(Jacob and Bekah, just one of the many couples I have gotten to photograph)
Recently, a lot of articles have been popping up on my Facebook feed about engagements, marriage, and relationships in general. They're usually written by women in their 20s who are either preaching for or against one or more of the above. A majority of the articles, however, have been more on the "rah rah independent woman" side, calling for women to embrace being single (or in a relationship that isn't headed for marriage anytime soon) and not worry about bagging "that perfect guy" and getting a great "rock" on their finger.
And of course, on the other side of the spectrum, my Facebook feed has also seen a fair amount of photos of engagement rings, men on one knee, and statuses that read "I'm so lucky... He finally asked, and of course I said yes!"
Mind you, my peers are between 18-23 years old.
It seems incredibly ridiculous to me to even think about spending thousands of dollars on an elaborate party, putting on a big white dress, walking down an aisle in front of tons of people - some of whom I may have invited solely out of guilt - and speaking a few words to a man that I'm expected to then spend the rest of my life with. I'm only twenty years old, for God's sake.
Honestly, I think that the modern idea of marriage and engagement has become so desirable because of the material aspects associated with it - especially for women.
When I write the word "engagement" - what immediately comes to mind? A shiny, expensive piece of jewelry adorning the left finger? A large bouquet of roses? An elaborate, planned proposal that took many hours and (probably) many dollars? What about "wedding?" A large, embellished party? A beautiful, expensive dress that is impeccably stitched and made of delicate fabric? Beautifully-prepared, almost too-pretty-to-eat food? "Cute" party favors packaged in perfectly color-coordinated boxes or envelopes?
And what is the common theme of all of the above? Material associations. Tangible things. Money.
I think a lot of people get so wrapped up in this beautiful mental image that they don't take the time to think about all the things that are behind a relationship, an engagement, or a marriage.
Relationships are hard. They are really, really hard. They tap into every single possible human emotion, and they have the impeccable ability of making us feel both the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. And you know what? Not only are they hard, they're also incredibly unpredictable. We may know a couple that works so well together that we feel so sure that they're going to get married and live happily ever after... And they break up. On the other hand, we may also know a couple that is so awful for one another and that make each other miserable... But yet they stay together.
They're hard and they often don't make much sense. They can make us unbelievably happy, but they can also make us unbelievably sad.
Don't get me wrong - I see nothing wrong with marriage and spending the rest of your life with a partner that makes you incredibly happy, a better person, and generally fulfilled. I just wonder if sometimes - especially in our "share everything" cultural mindset - the true meaning behind a relationship, engagement, or marriage gets lost behind pretty, filtered photos, Facebook "likes," and "Dream Wedding!" boards on Pinterest. I mean, for goodness' sake, when my relationship status on Facebook changed, I got about 90 likes, and over a dozen comments...
xx
ola
After posting that engagement article I had to read this. I totally agree that engagements should focus less on the materialistic aspect, and more on the fact that 2 people decided they are going to choose to be in love for the rest of their lives. Even if I become engaged in college, I don't plan to walk down the aisle until 24. Once you find yourself in love with your best friend, your age and others opinions don't seem to matter as much :)
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